My Inner Voice

My best friend of my high school years always said I had a stick up my butt, and he was right. I wouldn't ask out a girl unless I knew she'd say yes. It wasn't OK for me to take something just for me to be happy, or to do something, unless everyone would be happy. Other people were free to do what they wanted, say what they wanted... to be free. I was a man of honor, of duty. My job was to be sure that everyone was OK ... to take charge when I was needed ... otherwise, to hang back and help.

My friend, on the other hand, was obnoxious. He worked at Pizza Hut, and there was this waitress he was in love with (a Catholic girl!). He pursued her constantly, his smooth voice insinuating himself into her thought and into her life. I thought he was nuts. Clearly, she liked him okay, but she was a couple years older, and when someone resists that much, what's the point? Finally, she'd agree to go to the Howard Johnson's with him after the late shift, and then to a movie or something. He'd keep at it. I still thought he was nuts. Soon, he got pretty quiet about it with me...and eventually, I'm pretty sure she became his "first."

A month or so later, we were driving by her house to see if she was home, and talking about what went wrong...he was obsessed...she'd moved on...I was right -- she wasn't that interested, but he'd managed to convince her anyway. I'd have backed off long before...but who had the more interesting experience?

For various reasons, I'm finding it easier to listen to my inner voice.

It's a very simple thing...the inner voice says, "I'd like to go sledding today," and instead of waiting for my wife to bring it up, I say it aloud. Or my mom says, "What do you want for Hanukkah?" and my inner voice says, "I could use a nice sweater for work and some new DVD movies...but I shouldn't admit that I want anything," and, instead, I say it aloud and maybe I'll get a sweater.

I know, mundane. But it's a start.

It's a powerful thing -- not the inner voice itself, but the ability to recognize it, and to know you have a choice, that it's OK to want, to need and to act. It's OK to take as well as give. People may actually find that you're more interesting if there are things you want for yourself.

You might find yourself more interesting, too.