Yeah, I know, the "boy who can fly" think has been done. But everything's been done... I've written 50 pages of this as a juvenile fiction type novel, but I wonder if it'd be better as a comic book. I've been reading about how to write comic scripts...Here's how I'd start it. The story is set on Aquidneck Island, home of Newport...
This is part 1 ... Click here for part 2!
Page 1:
Panel 1: DOM PARKER walks into the school gym. It's the first day of school. All of the students are gathered on the bleachers at the other end of the gym. Banners hang on the walls celebrating the "Portsmouth Patriots." Teacher types mill about on the floor in front of the students. We first see DOM from behind -- his view as he pauses to look over the assembled kids. He has a backpack slung over his shoulders. He's a typical kid, not one of the cool kids, above average smarts. He's wearing a hooded sweatshirt and jeans.
DOM (in caption -- voiceover(VO)): "First day of high school and it's another new school. Did this four years ago, and now here we are again. It's always the same, really. You look over the class and you pick a place to sit. If you're lucky, you find a friend."
Panel 2: DOM'S face. Again, typical kid. Skinny, good looking but not gorgeous. A little glum... a little thoughtful, a little standoffish.
DOM (VO): That's how it works. You just pick out a face in the crowd...
Panel 3: Closer view of the kids on the bleachers. Slight spotlight on BRIAN. Blonde hair, blue eyes. A bit tousled, a bit rough-around the edges. Wearing a crew-neck sweater, drawing in his spiral bound notebook.
Panel 4: Dom sits down next to Brian and gives a nervous wave.
DOM: Hey. BRIAN: Hey. You're new.
DOM: Yeah. Moved here from New Jersey.
BRIAN: Congrats. Brian.
DOM: Dom. What're you drawing?
Panel 5: Close-up of Brian's notebook. It's a scene with a knight in bloody battle with a dragon. Something out of Frazetta...or the brothers Hildebrand...but hastily scribbled.
DOM: Cool. You're pretty good.
BRIAN: Thanks. You play D&D?
DOM: No.
BRIAN: You want to?
DOM: Sure.
BRIAN: Cool.
Page 2
Panel 1: Dom sitting in class, among a bunch of kids at desks, next to Brian, mostly paying attention as Brian passes him a note.
DOM (VO): "Simple as that, you have a friend. You get an instinct for this after a while."
Panel 2: Dom walking down the street with his backpack slung over his shoulder, the school bus passing by in the background. He's at the top of the street, which is mostly unkempt field.
Dom (VO): "But it's hard. I used to like moving. I didn't like this one. But Dad's job moved and we had to move with it."
Panel 3: We see more of Dom's street. More unkempt field, but we see now that he's at the top of a hill that ends in the bay (one that looks more like a river -- we're on an island only a mile away from the opposite shore). The street is an unfinished development that runs in three esses down to the bay. There are five houses scattered about 2/3s of the way down. The one in the middle is Dom's house. DOM trudges down the street.
DOM (VO): "So I move on. Leave behind the old, take on the new. New friends, new school, new life. It sucks."
Panel 4: We see Dom's house. It's a colonial -- basically a big rectangle with an attached garage. The yard is a hill, the driveway winds a little. There's a really nice wide slate porch in front of the house, where you can sit and look over the street and down past a handfull of houses and see the bay. Nice house, not a mansion but a nice house. GRETA, a medium sized black dog is racing down the driveway. She's a black lab mutt -- smaller than a lab, a little chubby. "This is my new house. We moved here a month ago. Me, my brother, my sister, Mom and Dad and Greta, the dog."
Panel 5: Dom's point of view. We see the entry hall, stairs to the right, kitchen down the hall. Dom's mother, DEENA, is focused on her laptop computer at the kitchen table.
DOM (VO): "That's my mom. She's going to open her own business. Some kind of gift shop, I think."
DOM: "I'm home!"
DEENA: "Hi, Dom."
DOM: "How was my first day?"
DEENA: "How was your day?"
Panel 6: Close up of Dom's face. He's glum.
DOM: "Fine."
Page 3:
Panel 1: Dom's room. No posters on the wall. Bland walls, wood trim. Old style single bed with dark wood finish. Similar dark wood desk, flat, with books and notebook papers with on top. A bookshelf filled with paperback sci-fi and fantasy novels. Three longboxes holding comic books in the corner. Window that overlooks the bay.
DOM (VO) "This is my room. It's a room."
Panel 2: Full view of Dom standing in the doorway of his room. DOM: (out loud, in bubble): "I've got to get out of here."
Page 4:
Panel 1: Close up of Dom riding his bike down the street -- more field, some houses in the background. It's late afternoon, almost 4:30 pm or so. The sun is headed downward.
Dom (VO): "There's this thing you don't know about me. I need to be alone sometimes."
Panel 5: Dom walking out onto a rocky, shell-strewn beach. His bike is laying against an old wood post. A chain runs from the post across a driveway you'd use to bring your boat to the beach. A sign hangs from the beach that says NO FISHING. To Dom's left, the beach turns into a rocky shoreline -- big rocks that you have to climb and clamber over.
Page 5:
Panel 1: Dom is clambering over the rocks. Up ahead, there is a hill that rises into a cliff. Dom is clearly heading there.
Panel 2: Dom is pulling himself to the top of the cliff. Lush greenery -- trees and such is behind him ... this is a mostly private spot. But across the bay, there are houses. You might see a boat in the distance.
Panel 3: Dom pulling his sweatshirt off over his head. Panel 4: Dom, shot from below a bit, shirt off. He's skinny.
DOM (VO): "Something happened to me a few months ago. Something I haven't told anyone about." Panel 5: You see Dom's view over the bay. Some houses dot the opposite shore. You see Dom from behind again, arms crossed, clearly cold.
DOM (VO): "I haven't done this much. I can't. But...sometimes...I have to."
Page 6:
Panels 1-5 -- small panels. Dom in profile. 1) takes a deep breath. 2) lunges forward. 3) jumps off the cliff, falling...
Panel 4: Falling, head on, fear on face.
Panel 5: Face determined, wind whipping back his hair.
Panel 6: half the page...He swoops upward! Face set in a giddy, joyous smile. Great, transparent wings fan out behind him. Powerful, transcendent scene. For the first time, Dom seems fully alive.
Page 7:
Full page... multiple shots of Dom swooping and diving and turning. Ascending and descending... wobbling and catching himself at times -- he hasn't done this too often.
DOM (VO): "I can fly. But I guess you know that now..."
Page 8:
Panel 1 – DOM in close up, face grim, a little nervous, body tilted slightly downward.
DOM (VO): “The problem, of course, is landing…
Panel 2 – Dom from the side, long view, heading for the rocky, shell-strewn shore, still over the water, which is a bit choppy. It’s a gray September day, and the water is going to be cold. His arms are thrust out in front, to ward off the inevitable crash.
DOM (VO): “You can’t find advice for this on the Web. Some hang-gliding sites say you just kick your feet out and run fast. Sure.”
Panel 3: Dom swoops up a bit. He’s out of control now, arms and legs flailing. He’s about 12 feet off the ground, just at the edge of the shore, over a spot that’s much too shallow.
DOM: Whoaaa!
Panel 4: Splashdown! He lands flat on his back, in about 2 inches of water. It looks cold and painful. He lays there. His eyes are closed. The wings are gone.
Panel 5: Still laying on the shore, a shadow falls over him.
Panel 6: Dom opens his eyes. He’s startled.
Page 9: Part II
Splash page: Title: The Boy Who Could Fly, Part II: More Than Human.
DOM is on his back, inching backwards on his elbows. He’s open mouthed, wide-eyed and startled. He’s looking up at someone wearing black boots and a long, black overcoat. All you see is the left boot and the bottom of the coat.
DOM (VO): Great. First month in a new town, and I’m already busted. Of course, back in Vermont, they’d shoot at me. Thought I was a vulture or something.
Page 10:
Panel 1: Dom, still on his back, struggling to sit up. CYRIL still in shadows. You can tell he has long, dark stringy hair.
CYRIL (Mostly off panel): “That was extraordinary.”
DOM: “Who-who are you?”
CYRIL: “You know me.”
DOM: “What?”
Panel 2: Bigger panel. Our first view of CYRIL. He’s 16, tall, dressed in black. Pale face, shoulder-length, stringy black hair. A bit of a Goth. Black overcoat, black t-shirt, black jeans and tall black boots. His hands are in his pockets. He has a bemused smile on his face, like he knows a secret.
CYRIL: “This morning. At school. ”
DOM: “Yeah. Right. I was lost…”
CYRIL: “I showed you the way.”
DOM: “Uh yeah. Thanks.”
Panel 3: Dom’s standing, brushing himself off. You can see that his back and sides are scratched from his hard landing. Dom and Cyril are talking. Cyril is about 4 inches taller than Dom. Cyril is solicitous. Dom is turned away a little, not meeting Cyril’s eyes. He’s suspicious and nervous.
CYRIL: “I can show you the way again.”
DOM: “What?”
CYRIL: “Your power. You have no idea of your power, your strength.”
DOM: “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Panel 4: Close up of Cyril, sneering.
CYRIL: “Don’t play dumb with me. I saw you. I know you. When you were younger, things happened. Plates flew off the table and shattered. Toys just out of reach, flew into your hands…”
Panel 5: Close up of Dom. Clearly, Cyril is touching a nerve.
CYRIL (off panel): “… You’d get mad, and glass would shatter. Enemies would back off with mysterious pain. Am I getting close?”
DOM: "And then, one day, you can’t take it anymore. So you shut it down. Turn it off. For your own good. And everyone else’s."
Panel 6: Close up of Cyril. Sinister…gleeful.
CYRIL: “Until something happened…”
Page 11
Panel 1: Full view of Cyril and Dom on the beach. Dom’s looking away from Cyril, gazing off into the distance, talking like he’s in a trance. Cyril looks gentler, expectant and excited.
DOM: “Yeah. Last year. It’s a family camping trip…I’m hiking in the woods. Me, my folks, my brother and sister…."
Panel 2: DOM’s family hiking up a mountain trail. Older sister, younger brother. Mom and Dad. Show them all from behind… Dom’s in the lead, happy, ready to take off up the trail.
DOM: “You guys are too slow… I’m going ahead!”
DEENA: “Be careful, Dom!”
Panel 3: Dom’s face…he’s running up the trail, around a bend. DOM (thought balloon): Shut up, Mom.
Panel 4: He’s rounded a corner. His family is out of sight. He’s facing a tall rock wall; behind him the trail falls off into a deep ravine.
Panel 5: Rocks falling from above…an enormous brown bear’s face staring down.
DOM (VO): I never saw it coming.
Panel 6: Dom from behind, flailing, plunging off the trail… a bear’s claw swiping the air where he’d been.
Page 12
Panel 1: Dom is falling. His shirt and jacket ripped wide open from the back, and the transparent wings spread out gloriously from his back.
Panel 2: Same view, still falling but now slowing, circling.
Panel 3: Dom laying on the ground, on his stomach, amid some trees, his body generally contorted.
DOM (VO): “I must have fallen 200 feet. I was even worse at landings then. Broke my arm here. Bleeding pretty badly. But I was alive. And I knew…”
Panel 4: Back at the beach. Dom and Cyril still talking.
CYRIL: “And you did it…again and again. You felt your power growing…”
DOM: “No…What?”
Panel 5: Closer in view of Dom and Cyril. Dom’s “trance” is broken and he’s looking skeptically at Cyril, who looks anxious, hungry and a little wild.
DOM: “Who are you? How did you…”
CYRIL: “Let me demonstrate…”
Panel 6: Close up of Cyril. Arms stretched out before him…gathering his power.
Page 13
Panel 1: Cyril gestures and a blast of rocks, shells and sand crashes over Dom. Dom cries out.
Panel 2: Dom looks up, and the blast of rocks, shells and sand has turned into a swarm, flying over Dom’s head.
Panel 3: Cyril, from behind. He gestures, we see the swarm scatter across the water.
Panel 4: DOM (VO): I’m not proud…I was scared as hell.
Dom runs away, toward his bike.
Panel 5: Dom racing away on his bike. Cyril laughing.
CYRIL: “You could learn a lot from me.”
Panel 6: Close up of Dom’s face, riding hard, a tear rolling down his right cheek. He’s scared, and ashamed.
CYRIL (off panel): "I’ll see you around!"
DOM (VO): That was my first day of school. It gets worse.
Click here for part 2!
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A comic book script by (c) Impending (me), 2005
