Bay Area Journal

I finally took a vacation. With a massive movement of men and materials, the Family traveled by plane to my parents' house -- 9 days in Redwood Shores, Calif., just a bit south of San Francisco, where we were joined by a massive influx of relatives.

The scorecard: My wife and three boys, 5.5 years and under; my sister, her husband, and one-year-old; my brother, his wife, and boy and girl, 3-years and under; my dad's mother and her husband; my mom's mother and her husband; and my mom, dad and their, dog, Sadie.

But we got there early, dropped off the kids and headed up to Napa for two days of wine sipping, fine dining, mountain hiking and spa treatments. The wine on Day 1 was OK, and dizzying... they took us for six bottles.

Day 2 may well have been my best day ever:

- Wake up late.
- Massive continental breakfast in the lobby of the Yountville Inn. Bagels, crumbcakes, fruit, juice, coffee and cereal; brought back more to the still-sleeping wife in our room.
- Relaxed in the whirlpool, then a dip in the well-heated pool.
- Shower and dress, head off to Calistoga, home of spas, hot springs and more wineries.
- We decided to hike up an old mountain mining trail...on the way there, we stopped at a spa and found a convenient appointment for mud baths and massage.
- A two-hour hike. Picnic on the mountain. Critters and birds flitting by. Massive, spread-winged vultures floating overhead (Vultures may not sound so great, but at the time, I thought they were eagles, so it was glorious...my outdoors-y brother-in-law burst the bubble upon seeing my digital photo of the bird in flight, but it was too late by then).
- On the way down the mountain, an amusing but embarrassing episode for my wife. The less said about this the better. Let's just say that it's good that we had a lot of napkins along.
- The spa -- I'd never done this. I must do it again ... first, a bath in hot steaming mud. Then a mineral bath soak. Then the steam room, a little relax time and a massage from my shoulders to my toes. Complete, giddy, bliss.
- Delicious steak dinner, then back to the hotel to seduce my wife and watch movies.

You can't really top perfection, and my extended family certainly would not be able to try. But there were no major blow ups, fist fights or hurt feelings to speak of, and everyone loved our kids. And we finished the trip with a visit to the Millbrae In-N-Out Burger, chomping down a fresh Double-Double and feeding french fries to the birds.

I know, positivity is boring. But this was indeed a good vacation.

And, now, back to our regularly scheduled misery.

People that I Miss

This blog is pretty anonymous, and it should stay that way (except for you special few, you know who you are, you little dickenses...). But I've been mulling the past, and how I've left too many people behind in my life, through too many moves across the country and too much laziness and forgetting and closing off my mind and my heart to anyone or anything that might cause an excess welling of emotion.

Given the power of Google, I thought I'd throw out a few names of people I miss, who I think about all the time but have lost from my life completely... If you come across this, and think you might know me, leave a comment or send me an email. In no particular order...

Brian Anton -- my best friend through 8th grade. Then I moved. Comic readin', Micronaut playin' buddy. I remember you asking me once, in 8th grade, if we would still be friends if it weren't for comics. Two answers: yes...and what does that matter?

Homer Cepeda -- It was Homer and Brian and me through 8th grade. Went off to private school after I moved. You'd think you could Google a guy with a name like Homer Cepeda, but nothing comes up but the baseball stats of Orlando Cepeda.

Scott Chankin -- My bowling and summer camp buddy before I moved. I've never gotten over my guilt for not replying to your letter to me after I moved out of town.

Dan Rubin -- College buddy. I'd heard you'd been laid off. You'd always kept in touch. Now you've disappeared and I'm regretting not keeping up. Where did you go?

Eric Geoffroy -- College buddy ... best friend, really, until senior year when you moved off campus and I got a girlfriend, I guess. Tremendous musical talent who opened my eyes to real creativity. What the heck are you doing now?

Lisa Spencer -- that college girlfriend. Hey, look, I'm happily married with kids and all that, but I'd just love to know what you've made of yourself.

There's a longer list, but I'll stop there for now...

Nooooooooo!

I'm at my office. I've got my pen, I've got my New York Times Arts section, open to the crossword puzzle. I'm ready.

And there's a line for the men's room.

This is so wrong.

Decisions, Decisions

that little song at the end of my previous post has been a theme in my life of late. I've been having problems with decisions. It's really very simple: I need to do something else with my life. I need to follow my muse for writing. I need a job that I feel some passion for, or at least I can tolerate enough that I can do decent work. I need to be able to order my life so that I have a few "perfect days".

I need to quit my job.

Unfortunately, I'm afraid I'm moving in that direction, but not on purpose. My main client is putting us up for review. My business will take a big loss for the work I'm doing, for a client we may not get back. And for my part, it's all I can do to get myself to do any work at all ... I've been distinctly unimpressive to the very people who will make the review decision.

Decisions, decisions.

The idea, of course, is to choose your own path. To chose a goal, chart a course, and boldly sail the schooner of life in that direction, not letting the storms of distractions and the icebergs of fate impede your path or trap you in the sargasso of indecision.

My alternative theory is to choose the river of your fate and to see where it takes you...and if you feel you're going the wrong direction, you can hope that it will divide somewhere downstream and you'll be offered a new path, right in front of you, that a mere push of the pole will set you on a new course. But what if the river never divides? You can choose a new river, but it's very hard to do...since the river never stops and neither do you.

Decisions, decisions.

More Songs in My Head

Some songs I'm imagining myself singing...

Livin' on the road my friend
Is gonna keep you free and clean
Now you wear your skin like iron
Your breath's as hard as kerosene.

- "Pancho & Lefty" by Townes van Zandt

They say that these are not the best of times
But they're the only times I've ever known...

I have seen that sad surrender in my lover's eyes
I can only stand apart and sympathize
For we are always what our situations hand us:
It's either sadness or euphoria.

- "Summer Highland Falls" by Billy Joel

I've been driving
Sixteen hours
This rain is like a
Metronome.

- "Been Set Free" by Peter Himmelman

I was singing a song about open plains
I was singing a song about a rope.
I was about a southbound train
I was singing a song about hope.

And it's not like I'm goin' nowhere
'Cause I'm getting there awful fast.
It's not like I'm in a hurry to get there
Sometimes I wish I had more of a past.

Everyone is cheering
While I'm leanin' against the rail.
Everyone sees their future nearin'
While I'm just afraid to fail.

And what were you thinking when you told me you loved me?
Did you even know that you had lied?
What were you thinking when you looked me in the eyes...
And made just one..lonely ... plea:
Decide...

"Decide" by me, Impending, today